when i go silent and get stuck in my head,
when i’m unable to socialize in your server– or any server,
when i don’t have anything interesting or new to talk about,

will you remember who i am? 

.. 
when my days go cold and all i can do is sit silence in my thoughts,
when the hours pass in front of me like drops of rain,
when it gets so silent that i can hear my own heartbeat ,

would you care about who i was? 

if,   or rather when, you find new people to keep you company, when you take steps ahead,
if i end up isolating a bit too much for a bit too long,
if i fuck everything up and become a miserable idiot,

would you stay? would i be worth the effort? 
or would i just become a faint memory, someone who was but will never again be  

i dont know.  

and i’m scared to find out the answer because i feel like i have no way to win. i either lose time to my sanity or lose everyone around due to them leaving me.  but living in this state of perpetual ignorance is also burning me down to ashes.  i wish there was a way to find relief in a way that felt true and fulfilling.  

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