once again stuck in my head, unable to act, unable to think properly or partake in my hobbies. my head rambling, my thoughts foggy, my existence miserable. 

i feel like i have no good reason to be. i am mediocre, i am barely anything at all and even less noticeable professionally and personally too. jack of all trades, master of none 

stuck in my head, doing and not feeling, doing and not feeling, doing and not feeling, doing and not feeling– unable to think, unable to progress, sleeping my days away, hoping that something happens to me- hoping i either get fixed or wiped out as either sounds as good of an option

i hate existing, i hate losing out on intimate people and a partner because i’m just too unavailable, i hate being the right person at the wrong time, every.  time. 

and i start to think that perhaps it’s not the right person at the wrong time, just a noone with no right time to be because i was never meant to be anything.

cause perhaps i am just meant to suffer with how bad i look and with my shit existence because i somehow deserve being broken, because my attempts are not enough and will never be.

i am too tired to do anything but sleeping days away helps nothing, my head is lost between daydreams and nightmares and nothing feels right. too aware to disassociate but too absent to take action on myself.

it feels like being stuck in a glass cage inside my head as i watch everything happen in the outside. a nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare,