i wish i wasn’t queer.‏‏

i wish i wasn’t trans or neurodivergent, ‏
i very much wish i could function as a neurotypical entity without much struggle,‏ and perhaps that would make me uninteresting, bland, invisible or boring.‏

but i wish i didn’t have to worry or cry about who i really am or what i want to be,
i wish that my career was as bland as could be and still made me feel fulfilled in my function.‏

i wish i could completely and easily pass as one binary gender without having to think about the paperwork, the effort or the drowning amounts of anxiety and insecurity that circle my head.‏

i wish for a life where i could have a handful (or less) amount of hobbies that i stick with, uninterested in the environment around.‏

i wish i could stay socially and physically functioning without ending in spiralling amounts of pain and sorrow that disable me to the point of contemplating death, for it wouldn’t solve anything–‏ but at least it would provide a calm to the storm that shakes me within.

but alas, i am stuck in my own head,‏
dreaming and imagining scenarios where all my wishes come true.‏
for there is no geanie, magic or saving grace that could fix all that is wrong with me.

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