i envy all the people that are able to function.  

i envy all of those who can partake on their ambitions, projects, games– on art, music and hobbies.  

i envy everyone and everybeing that is able to advance and navigate their mental health with more or less degree of sucess.  

i envy those who can find comfort in their misery, who can find a little hiding place from their desolation in whatever special interest, hyperfixation or comfort item/activity they have.  

i envy those who don’t have to question and dismiss their bodily pains, those who don’t have to double-take their decisions and mental sanity to try to discern if their ideas are really good or just a byproduct of mania.  

i envy those who are able to partake on social relationships for any sustained amount of time.  

i envy all the people around that are able to function, even with struggles and pain and suffering. but they still function.   and i wish we could have any form of resemblance to that high level of functioning.  

i envy everyone and everything around me.  all of those things that make us feel broken, stupid, useless and crave for death– aware that our situation won’t find resolution soon (if ever).

there’s no help. 

  there’s no hope or reason.  

there is only misery, work and suffering ahead.  

in exchange..  for what?

who knows. certainly not me.  

– END OF CONTENT –