freed from the chains that i wanted to let off my wrists. 
i lay in my bed, looking at my window, contemplating in silence, what could it have been? what will it be? what will i be? 

.. 
everything feels wrong and confusing and exhausting and too much.  disconnected, wandering and isolated. too close to feel alone but too distant from anything and everyone to feel conneted. 

i feel cursed to forever walk a tightrope that vaguely separates apathy and exhaustion– between mania and total lethargy. cursed to forever feel like i’m doing too much and too little at the same time.

lately time hasn’t meant much beyond my work schedule, my circadian rhythm or at what times i should partake in social activities. time has become a measure of quantifiable spacing between actions and programmed activities, rather than the ever-present concept of “passing”.

and once again, i lay in my bed, doomscrolling or sitting in complete silence. 
trying to gather enough motivation to get going. 
putting together some mental capacity for the day. 

i want off. 

i want this to stop. 

 – end of content –