after pondering for a while and brewing the thought in my head,
i have realized that all things are short– both good and bad.

and it makes me feel like my emotional compass is slightly adrift?

the bad feels like an insurmountable torment, like an endless night that stares and taunts me for trying time and time again to navigate through these feelings, these emotions. 

but at the same time, i guess my anxiety and predisposition to negativity also makes me focus a lot more on the painful and tedious,\

if that makes any sense.

i guess one of the things that i want to express is that emotions are much more short-lived by essence than i realize; they are reactions to situations and stimuli that generate a behavior over time by influencing or modifying the decision-making,
whether that is directly (say through trauma/reinforcement, for instance) or indirectly (through suggestion/creating patterns). 

idk. 

i guess that if it’s possible to hold onto the “good times” for so long and reminisce over them, at the same time it’s possible to wallow in doubt and anxiety, there is a common factor regarding the duration and effect of emotions

and in saying this i kinda realize that there’s a chance that regulating the bad emotions is a question of understanding, managing and distancing myself from the “bad”, as much as i am able to push away and reject the positive feelings when i feel depressed/borderline suicidal.

the point i’m trying to express is, emotions are stimuli,

and just like other stimuli (sound, taste, smell),

it should be possible to manage and to some extent control the effect of said stimuli. 

i guess the question now is; what tools and resources can help me learn said management? it’s not like there’s noise cancelling headphones for emotions (well, i guess disassociation/depression, but i digress).

i guess that i still have learning, understanding and research pending

but that will come with due time and bit by bit.

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