i am sorry for being such a mess.
i am sorry for repeating myself over and over.
i am sorry for not being a good friend.
i am sorry for being so broken and feeling so useless.
i am sorry for always complaining about everything.
i am sorry for feeling like i will never be enough.
i am sorry for always looking for your reaffirmation.
i am sorry for not being able to stay in touch often.

i struggle to exist so much.
and i wish i could do better.

but i can barely do much better than this right now. i wish i could be a better friend and person.
you tell me all is well but i still cannyot shake off the feeling that i am doing something wrong.

i want to stay close and tell you how much i appreciate your company,
how much i appreciate your kind words when i can only berate and hate myself,
how i wish i could make you feel as comfortable and well as you make me feel safe.

i guess i can’t do that. for now?  or ever.  i don’t know.

i’m sorry.

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